Matters of the brain Vs. those of the heart.

Amongst my friends, I'm a walking encyclopedia. I either know the answer, or i'll go look it up because i HAVE to know. My friend, Alice, called tonight to simply ask how many teaspoons are in one tablespoon. (three). But it made me think about how analytical i have always been in my quest to know all that i can.

It reminded me of a story that my mom told at our last sleepover. (oh. Alice, another friend-Emily, and I have been friends since we were 5. We've recently started having sleepovers again like we did when we were kids. I highly recommend it.)

So the story:

I was at that age where kids start to talk. And the first subject that starts this long road down the gossip trail is Santa Claus. I still believed. And the kids told me otherwise. So when i went home from school that day, i was bummed, crushed, heart broken. My mom asked what was wrong so i told her what the kids said. She, unfortunately, confirmed in the kindest way she could think of. So i sat there in my little kid body and thought for a minute while staring at the ground. I looked up and said, "but you can't be santa claus, you don't have enough money [to buy me all the toys]." The conversation continued and my mom told me how she had a pair of my grandpas boots to stamp in soot from the fireplace and make tracks to the tree.
Me: "Are you the tooth fairy?"
Mom: "yes, i am. I get your teeth while you are sleeping."
Me: "and the Easter Bunny?
Mom: "yes."
Me: "but you cant be the Leprechaun--your feet are too big!"

It was my mom and I growing up. Just us. So all holidays were special. For St. Patty's Day. She'd dip her fingers in green glitter and "walk" a little trail from the front door to a little basket of candy.

Apparently, I've always been an over-thinker. Or maybe it is over-achiever. Or, perhaps, I'm just curious.

Receiving the call from Alice made me think of the story about santa claus because a kid should not think about their parent's financial situation. What made me think of that at such a young age?

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As i've grown, I'm constantly told that i'm indecisive. This phone call today has made me realize that i'm NOT indecisive. I am just an over thinker. I think too much about everything. My days are spent in my head playing out every scenario. Even down to what i'm going to have for lunch. I think about my options and then i think about how i'm going to feel after it. It sounds totally ridiculous.

It does, doesn't it?

But i'm glad that i've thought about this because i've always felt bad for not being able to make decisions.

[one decision i'm currently working on is where i want to take this blog and what is going to be my focus]

And vocalizing these thoughts and realizations. I've come to realize that there are--at least in my head--two types of decisions: matters of the heart and matters of the brain. Matters of the brain i will toss back and forth, run through every scenario, and play out every possibility until my brain can't take anymore.

Matters of the brain are: What's for dinner? What movie do you want to see? What should i wear today? ...you get the idea.

Matters of the heart on the other hand. I dint need minutes, hours or days to decide. Those i can decide in a moment.

With a matter of the heart, it doesn't matter what all the possibilities are. You know instantly what is the right decision. Because with matters of the heart it's not about how your decision affects everyone around you. It only affects you and that other person. ...i think that sums that up.

..now if only i could get this through some one's thick skull.

I hope this makes sense.